‘You don’t look/act gay’

I am gay, and I have been out for quite a while now, and shockingly, I am still unaware of how to look and act gay because apparently, people have standards on that too.

“You don’t look/act gay” is the reply I always get whenever I tell people what I thought was obvious, that I’m gay. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when I say that it’s annoying when people try to relate the way I look and act with my sexuality, and make a big deal out of it.

I honestly feel like I’m deprived of my sexuality whenever I hear that phrase. Being a gay man is something that I want to proudly stand by without having to say it out loud, and I feel like this is being denied to me just because I don’t look or act gay in other people’s eyes.

With that, I think it’s time for me to apologize in behalf of my fellow gays, especially to those people who refuse to accept our sexual anonymity. I’M SORRY THAT GAY PEOPLE DRESS, SPEAK, AND ACT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. And just a heads up, your trainer at the gym? Yeah, he’s gay too.

There are a lot of things that offend us, and we let go of most of those things because we’re open-minded, but you really should be aware that gays are everywhere now, and we’re going to do something to spite you if you say anything against us.

This anonymity definitely makes a lot of us vulnerable from indirect comments that could still hurt our feelings.

There was one time when I was on a jeepney ride with my then boyfriend, who received the “you don’t look/act gay” phrase as much as I did, and sitting across us were these girls who were saying some things about homosexuality spreading like a disease.

I looked at them raising one eyebrow, and when they still couldn’t take the hint that a “disease” is sitting in front of them, I decided to hold my boyfriend’s hand and lean on his shoulder. The look on their faces was priceless, and I would give anything to see their reaction again.

Anyway, the only positive that I think not “looking/acting” gay has done for me is that it saved me multiple times from prejudice, gay bashing, and I think it also potentially prevented a conservative anti-gay waiter from spitting on my food.

I am still trying to not cringe whenever people tell me the phrase, but I have learned how to embrace the ignorance of the people around me. It still bothers me a little because I feel like my sexuality is invisible just because some people have standards on being gay.

Is flamboyance a requirement to being gay? Do I have to kiss a guy whenever I announce my sexuality just to prove it? Do I need a diploma just to officially have a sexuality?

Being gay is not an act or a look, it’s a sexuality. What’s the point of telling someone that they don’t look or act gay when they tell you that they are? It’s not going to change the way they look or act, but it could potentially make that person dislike you.

To everyone who is annoyed with the phrase “you don’t look/act gay,” it’s always up to us to get rid of these very sexuality-depriving stereotypes.

I would like to end this entry with this really cute photo I found on tumblr.

tumblr_n3e95qvyzr1s2gjqpo1_500
Tumblr

Every Wednesday, I’ll be posting essays about life. Got any questions? Click here.

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