I was trying to think of fun, personal things to post on this blog so I started looking through my journals from the previous years to see if there were entries worth sharing. That’s when an idea popped up in my head: I’m going to share some highlights from my journal entries to see if I agree with the old me. Today, I’m going to share an entry from July 4, 2015 because while I was skimming through my 2015 journal, something in all caps caught my interest, and It says:
AFTER ALL, THIS IS NOT A GAME, IT IS NOT MADE UP OF RULES. IT IS A PROCESS. AND THROUGH THIS PROCESS, I JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT WE BOTH ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS.
What is not a game?
What is not made up of rules?
What is a process?
What am I talking about in this entry?
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
I was in a long distance relationship that started in the late months of 2014. The relationship can pretty much be summed up with trying, trying, and more trying. I think that is the main reason why it lasted for a while. Looking back at it now, it didn’t really feel like a commitment, but a trial and error relationship.
At first, it really sounded exciting and inviting when we had all these motivations to prove that long distance relationships could work. But things easily fell apart though when the itch to do the things that people our age are “supposed to be doing” started getting in the way. Mistakes were made, secrets were revealed, trust became inexistent, and guilt trips and ego trips became the focal point of the relationship.
With all those elements, we should have both figured out that it wasn’t going to work out, but then, there we were sticking firmly to our belief that we both are a work in progress. With that said, I think it’s easy to say that it is, indeed, only a trial and error relationship.
How long are you allowed to be a work in progress in a relationship? I think that is a really important question that needs to be answered. Personally, I think that for the first 3 months, this could be used as an excuse for making mistakes. However, if you’ve been together for more than a hundred days, I think it’s fair to say that the mistakes you make are done with intent.
Some people will disagree with me on that, but let’s all be honest, we know that some of the things we do are mistakes, but we still do them knowing that there will be terrible consequences to follow. Nobody’s perfect, yes, but it should be a rule that being a work in progress is something that you need to get over with before you get yourself into a relationship.
If you make mistakes, don’t use it as an excuse, and take responsibility for the mistakes that you’re going to commit. That is, of course, if you want a healthy relationship.
I am now contradicting the statement from my journal that a relationship is something that is not made with rules, because let me tell you, a healthy relationship functions with rules. That’s why we have all these articles online about Healthy Relationship guides, tips, and advice. Yes, there’s a rule to everything, even freedom.
I would also contradict the statement that it is a process. For the lack of a better explanation, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines process as a series of actions that produce something or that lead to a particular result. A relationship per se is not a process, but we could say that there are processes that happen within its phases and boundaries.
I would still support my statement that a healthy relationship is not a game, because that is common sense.
If I were to write the highlight of the journal entry now, I would probably write:
AFTER ALL, THIS IS JUST A TRIAL AND ERROR RELATIONSHIP AND I’M JUST WAITING FOR MORE RESULTS TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP BEFORE I END IT.
I wish I knew better then, but you know, I was a “work in progress.”
It was a little annoying reading the entries that followed this highlight, but in the end, I found myself laughing really hard because there was another entry in all caps written in the center of a page in my journal:
JULY 28, 2015
The relationship lasted for almost 9 months. May he rest in peace!
Writing in a journal reminds you of your past – good or bad, your goals, your dreams, the things you learn, and the conversations you had with yourself. Want to share a story from your journal? Click here.
Credits: Header Image retrieved from planplusonline.com.